Divorcing duvet...

Before I go any further with this post, a warning - this is not a pity me post but it could be construed as one, so I want to apologise if anyone feels that this is what the post is about... I just need to put it down.

Afraid I have only just woken up after having absolutely no sleep last night. I basically sat downstairs all evening, wide awake, watching all the programmes that I had Tivo'd until D got up at 5am for work. I also spent a good three hours stitching on one of my projects and I am paying dearly for it at the moment with a pounding headache.

Anyway I went to bed at 6am and promptly fell fast asleep until about half an hour ago, 3.00pm, when I got up and staggered downstairs and promtly drank two cups of tea one after t'other.

I am basically going to write today off as a very bad day and a complete no-no with regards to flying.

Yesterday was a bad day, this then led to me and D having a horrendous row yesterday which left me shaken. We basically slung insults at each other and he hit the nail on the head when he said he had noticed that I had slipped back into my old ways again, when I was heading for my breakdown. I am burying myself in everything except my own life, if you see what I mean. I am snapping at him, have taken no interest then when I do I get manic over it. He also said that he had noticed I was on automatic pilot when it came to the house and cooking etc.. Trouble is no-one else really sees this as I have got very good at putting on that "face" that I had all those years ago when I had my breakdown, and poor D is the only one that seems to be able to break through this "face". And yes we do know what has sent me spiralling downhill big time - it was Mum's death. It has taken its toll on me harder than I ever imagined it would. Trouble is I can't explain why because of our turbulous relationship over the years.

It also doesn't help that my psychiatrist appointment keeps getting changed for various reasons and I haven't seen them properly for a while now. My medication isn't working so we need to look at another form of medication. I have also had to get my Dr to renew my prescription for my sleeping tablets as I am not sleeping properly again. That is a major factor in my depression and I am hoping once I can get that sorted out again I will start to head upwards. The other thing is I am having to wait for my next round of councelling - I could go private but at the moment it is not an option to consider. I know the mental health team here from my last round of councelling and would like to stay with them if I could. Trouble is it will take a long time and as I know from the last round it will get worse before it gets better.

There are things that I need to tackle in the house and the trouble is until I do this I can't move forward, but it is also these things that are making me avoid the issues. Its like a viscious circle :-(

Anyway I am off to shower and do the washing up.

Thankyou for reading this if you have got this far and haven't been driven to sleep..lol

An old cart horse..

Yep that's what I am now..lol

Went to the Dr's today to sort out why my pill isnt working properly. I wish I hadn't..lol

I have a new prescription for a new pill, but I also got the lovely news that at the grand old age of 38yrs I am going through an early menopause .. Ack!!  And there was me thinking that me feeling hot and cold, with no inbetween, was my medication..oh well!!

I told D on the phone when I got back, and instead of saying something soothing he came out with "ooh that will save the heating bills".. men!!! But I do know he was being soothing in his own way, although I did call him a few names..lol

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