Had a strange experience today but in a good way..

I have to tell you all about this strange experience that I had today. It was a kind of surreal moment but it brought tears to my eyes in some way.

I was sitting on the sofa watching t.v. and I could see some birds playing in the rather bedraggled forsythia bush that is touching the front window. When all of a sudden I saw a flash of red. I looked closely and a beautiful robin came hopping out of the branches and sat on one of the outside branches and looked straight at me. This may not be a strange experience to some but it is when another robin suddenly comes from nowhere and sits right next to this robin. The proceeded to look in the living room window for a good 5 mins. Then with a bob of their heads they flew off. What really was strange is that we have a resident robin in the back garden but in all the years we have lived here we have never ever seen one robin round the front, let alone two.

Now me being me had a lovely thought when I saw these two robins, and I would like to think that they were possibly my mum and my nan come to let me know that they are looking over me and wanted to wish me Happy New Year! It may have been utter nonsense but I have a gut feeling about this and we do get strange things happen, for example seeing a squirrel in our garden for three days then totally disappearing when my cat Barney died a couple of years ago. Bearing in mind we have never seen a squirrel in our garden in the 14 years we have lived here, and have not seen a squirrel since.

I had a lovely warm feeling once the robins had gone, although I will admit I did have a wee cry to myself.

Who's a special little polar bear???

Knut, the polar bear that was born 5 November 2006 celebrates his first birthday today. He's a wonderful looking bear now, weighing in at a whopping 17 stone. It's so hard to believe that animal activists wanted him destroyed because Knut was going to be hand reared by his keeper. But because of world attention etc, Knut did indeed get hand reared by his owner and he has turned into a lovely polar bear, although he could do with a wash as he is definately not the lovely white fluffy baby he was once :)





And I promise there will be some stitching updates posted very soon, well once I have finished some stitching that is..lol

A pretty little plant..

I finally found out what this little plant is called - "Hoya Bella" I inherited it from Mum's while I was sorting her house out before the funeral. It's a really sweet little plant, but knowing my mum's penchance for the weird and wonderful I had no idea what it could be. Then it flowered, wow is all I could say..the flowers were wonderful. So armed with a picture of the flowers I then went to hunt it down in my mother in law's flower books, and this weekend I found it..woohoo!!

May I present the year old addition to our family:

One very old cat..

Pussywillow, a semi feral cat has reached the grand old age of 26yr old. She is still sharp in mind and eyes according to her owner Lin Brown. She survived a fox attack four years ago, and is still going strong.

Apparently a healthy cat can live to 18yr and some cats do live to 20yr but living to 26yr is almost unheard of. Pussywillow may have even reached the Guiness Book of Records by living this long.

What a lucky cat she is.

Full story can be found here: Pussywillow

What a lucky cat..

This lucky 13yr old cat has certainly landed on his feet.. He is now an honoury PC at Kings Cross Station catching the mice.

For full story go here: PC Tizer recruited to patrol station

Christmas comes early..

I can't believe it, the other night (31st October) I actually saw the first Christmas advert of the year. It was for Argos Direct, and they were telling you not to worry about rushing around in the hustle and bustle of the shoppers and just order all your Christmas presents online and have it delivered to you at your own convenience. I mean seriously it was the end of October, heck November hadn't even arrived by then!! I swear Christmas comes earlier each year, either that or I am becoming a "Scrooge" - Bah Humbug!!!

A small meme for your enjoyment..

I shamelessly stole this meme from Barbara

1) Go to Wikipedia
2) In the search box, type your birth month and day but not the year.
3) List three events that happened on your birthday.
4) List two important birthdays and one death.
5) One holiday or observance (if any).

Three Events:-

Pennsylvania Hospital, 1st hospital in the United States, opens.
University College London is founded under the name University of London.
Nelson Mandela, a political prisoner for 27 years, is freed from Victor Verster Prison outside Cape Town, South Africa.

Two important birthdays and a death:-

Mary Quant, English fashion designer (b.1934)
Leslie Nielsen, Canadian actor (b.1926)
Frank Herbert, American author (d.1986)

One holiday:-

National Inventors' Day in the United States.

I borrowed this from the Guardian..

Bong! News at Ten is back. Again

Is Sir Trev the only newsman worthy of our trust?

Copywrite - John Plunkett

I have got my diary out to check the date. Yes, it's 2007, and yes, Sir Trevor McDonald is about to return to ITV1 to present a resurrected News at Ten. No offence to Sir Trev, but isn't he a bit of an analogue bloke in a digital world?

You can see why ITV chairman Michael Grade might want to bring it back. News at Ten is one of the great TV brands (although it remains to be seen how much it has been damaged in its absence).

Ever since the 10pm bulletin was first axed back in 1999 - yes, it was that long ago - ITV has struggled to fill the slot. Remember Mr and Mrs with Julian Clary? Not many people do.

But a glance at the last few weeks' schedules suggests they are still having a problem, with the likes of Don't Call Me Stupid and Police, Camera, Action! padding out the 10pm slot.

These are probably not the sort of ratings winners ITV bosses had in mind when they axed it all those years ago, and the channel is regularly walloped in the ratings by Huw Edwards' 10pm news bulletin on BBC1.

News at Ten will also get beaten in the ratings, but at least it will free up the network to play some half-decent comedy, drama or documentaries in the 10.30pm slot. Providing they can find the commissions, of course.

But the bulletin's return will also bring with it all the scheduling issues that prompted the channel to axe it in the first place. What will happen to ITV1's successful 90-minute dramas such as Rebus and its season of Jane Austen adaptations?

A 30-minute break for the news at 10pm? Eugh. An 8.30pm start? Watershed issues. Move the 10pm bulletin? It's "News at when" all over again. And what about when the football - an increasing part of the ITV portfolio - runs over?

Still, as Channel Five's Chris Shaw noted on this website six months ago, bring back News at Ten would be "exactly the kind of loud, splashy statement Michael Grade would love to make. It would be confident, bullish, and underscore his determination to bring back the glory years of ITV."

It may also serve to shift attention, for a moment at least, from the devastating fallout from the Deloitte report into ITV's premium phone line abuse.

Now Grade has finally made the move, all he has to do is fit the rest of the ITV primetime schedule around it.

News at Ten's return also caps a triumphant return for the 68-year-old newsman, only two years after his "last ever" bulletin.

Is it me, or is there something faintly depressing about the fact that the nation - or at least, that part of it that watches ITV News - appears only to trust Sir Trevor to read the news. What's his secret? And why haven't any other newsreaders got it?

A reality engagement - can it get any worse!!!

I have just read on The Daily Mail online that Chanelle and Ziggy (or Chiggy) from the last Big Brother 8 are now going to get married a-la Posh and Becks style..and Chanelle possibly thinks she could be pregnant. Ye gods can it get any worse. This couple are as volatile as a volcano, and are on and off like a light switch. They have only known each other for 5 months and they are already declaring undying love for each other, well she is to him. I'm not sure about him, he doesn't look that pleased to me:



This sounds very similar to another reality couple that met on a celebrity Big Brother the other year. Well she was a normal person off the street type girl and he was from a boyband. And guess what? They got married and split up after a short amount of time...

Oh well I suppose they have to fill the papers with something other than news..

The world has gone weird!!

I was having a nosey on the BBCi website and came across this picture:



Apparently this poor dog is modeling a rain coat and a rescue jacket, designed to be used in emergency situations, at a Security and Safety Trade Expo in Tokyo, Japan.

Now I wonder if either Bear or Jet would be able to wear something like this, and do they do it in pink?

Ugh @ Royal Mail..

And it still continues. Royal Mail are holding the country to ransom, as per usual. This is getting ridiculous, how can one company do this. Well it seems that RM can..

I am not going to go into the whys and wherefores and my feelings on the RM strike, but one thing I will say is if they worked in any other environment then they would not be allowed to do this. I mean if my D left work early because he had done his job he would not expect to be paid for the time he was not at at work, yet this is one of the points that RM are striking over- they want to be paid for going home early. Hmmmm

Now I am off to try and post a parcel while the strike is on one of its days off, until Monday of next week. Fingers crossed it gets delivered.

A sad day..

Today has felt so unreal.

After waking up to an email from a very close friend S to say that her mum was in hospital and would I send positive vibes. I get a phone call to say that she is now in ICU on a ventilator and the Dr's think she has a blockage or something in her abdomen. So of course I wait by the phone for the day. S rings me, I ring S and get updates that way.

Then tonight I make that phone call. How I wish I hadn't. Sadly S's mum S has passed away. OMG how can this be I ask myself, she only went in with stomach pains and coughing up blood. S has been like a mother to me since my mum died last year, and here we are nearly a year later..

My thoughts are with S and her family.

*it doesnt help that S's mum also has the same initial..ahhh!!*

10 years ago today..

Diana Princess of Wales died in a horrendous car crash in Paris. She was a lovely person, the Peoples Princess as they called her, and a sad loss to those that loved her.

Today, 10 years on, there is a service to celebrate her life at the Guards Chapel in London, and which is being televised on t.v.

It is so wonderful to see how her sons have grown up into strong and well adjusted young men.

The service is being attended by those that loved Diana, by people that have been touched by her one way or t'other in their lives and many dignataries and celebrities are also there. The princes are there, as is the Prince of Wales and the Queen and Prince Phillip are attending too.

It is sad to see but the service is almost like a "who's who" when you see the camera panning across the chapel. But it's nice to see that her brother and his family are there, as are the Princesses Euginie and Beatrice. Camilla, the Prince of Wales new wife, is not there though - she thought it would be disrespectful to Diana's memory and apparently the Queen didn't want her there anyway.

It's quite sad to watch though but in some way if Diana hadn't died our royal family would not have shaken off the restraints of many years of pomposity and finally shown themselves as more human.

One woman - Diana, Princess of Wales, touched the hearts of so many people - she will be remembered with such love for many years to come.

Where do the days go?

I seem to lose track of the days for some reason. I have no idea how they go by so quickly - is this what they mean by as you get older the days go by quicker? Although I must admit I kept thinking yesterday was Friday and got totally confused when DH was still going into work today..doh!!

And I still haven't uploaded the pictures I took yet, I will do that I promise!!

I am still stitching, although not as much as I would like to be doing. Hopefully now the nights are drawing in I will feel more like stitching.

I have to make an appointment with my Dr for next week or the week after - I am sleeping so much it is unbelievable. I am so tired all the time. And then when I am awake I am just so exhausted that all I want to do is sleep!! Well something isn't right so it's off to Dr I go - hopefully we can pinpoint what the problem is. It could either be my ME coming back out with a vengenance or I need a tonic or something. We will see, I am sure that it will be nothing but I will probably look like a pincushion by the time we get to the bottom of it. More blood tests again..ugh I hate those damn things.

Woohoo it's sunny..

Ok so it's a daft title but hey it's true.. It is sunny outside, in fact it's actually quite hot. I could feel the sun burning the back of my neck earlier while I was hanging the washing out on the line.

Aah to see the washing on the line again..what heaven that is. :-)

It's the last bank holiday of the year and finally the gods and goddesses are shining on us - the sun is out. And they are even forecasting a nice bank holiday for a change. Gods help those out driving on the motorways the next couple of days, I can imagine it will be mayhem.

D is off playing choochoo's, I am hoping he will be fine and doesn't do too much. I'm not sure if he has fully recovered from his recent bout of sickness yet. He'll probably come home and flake out in front of the t.v. for the evening.. :-)

I am going to pop up to the farm to pick up some bits and pieces, I might even have a mooch around the animal section. Who knows I may even buy some feed and be "young" again and feed the goats. :-)

*must load the photo's that I have taken of my vegetables grown in the garden before I forget*

In a funk..

What on earth is the matter with me.. Since D has gone back to work from his sick leave I cannot get myself going. I have not been getting out of bed until gone 3pm, sometimes not even until D is due home. Then it's a mad rush in the shower so that I am dressed etc before he gets home.

I can see myself heading for another funk again, that's if I have even got out of my last funk... It's funny really as I was talking to D last night about what my Dr had put in my notes regarding when he keeps seeing me - I have good self care.. I was wondering whether I had to turn up with dirty hair and unkempt clothes or whether it was normal for me to take a bit of care when I was seeing the Dr. Then D hit it on the head - it's a mask!! When I dress myself to look nice when I go out or see people I do hide behind my clothes etc. It's as though looking nice detracts away from how I am really feeling. Oh sometimes I am doing okay and other times I am just hiding.

Maybe it's just the weather...

Is it really August...

What revolting weather it is outside, it has been getting blacker and blacker all morning and now the heavens have opened and it is pouring down. Looks like I will have to turn the computer modem etc off as it looks like it will thunder pretty soon..ugh!!

Looking outside I am really beginning to wonder whether we have seen the last of summer. I am convinced that winter literally lept into a weak summer, and our summer has now lept into an early winter - has England decided to join Australia and have the seasons topsy turvy..

Thankfully the horrible stomach bug that knocked both me and D out for over 10 days seems to be on its way out. Although poor D doesn't seem to be able to shift it completely. We are now on the third week with it and it doesn't want to leave D regardless of the tablets the Dr has given him. Well all I can say is blimey it must have been one heck of a stomach bug, and where the heck did we catch it from.. Still at least it wasn't food poisoning as I was starting to worry it must have been either the chicken we had for that Sunday or even the KFC I decided to treat us to on the Friday.. Maybe this was some way of saying no more takeaways..lol

I am slowly getting the house back to some sort of order, although it is taking forever for some reason. Well I suppose that's what you get when you do absolutely nothing for a good 10 days.

We have had a new addition to the house the past week - Beth. I am looking after my friends dog for her while her and her family are away camping at Soul Survivor in Somerset for a few days. Beth is a lovely little dog, she is a westie cross we think now and is about 11 years old. Thankfully she gets on with my boys, but the cats have been a bit wary the past few days. But they are now getting braver and are starting to wander back downstairs. Typical just as she is on her last couple of days..lol At the moment I have Jet asleep in Beth's dog bed, Beth asleep on Jet's chair and Bear asleep on his own chair. He was asleep next to me but I think he got the hump with me trying to get comfy on the sofa so got off and went on his chair. It is certainly doggy heaven in this house at the moment..

I have a few photo's of the pets and the flowers outside to upload to another post later on today. So mustn't forget..

Off to see the Dr later today for a Mental Health Review whatever one of those is.. Seem's like a pointless excercise seeing as I am seeing a psychiatrist on a regular basis as well as awaiting therapy to start. Oh well obviously my Dr's know what they are doing. I imagine it will be a quick hello and this is what I am taking etc..and then out again. I will probably have a longer conversation with the receptionist than the Dr..lol

Meme...

I shamelessly "borrowed" this meme from The Negligent Mommy

Two Names You Go by:

• Natty
• Oggy

Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now:

• T-shirt
• Chocolate - I was making brownies and the chocolate spilt down my top while I was licking the bowl..

Two Things You Would Want (or have) in a Relationship:

• Love
• Respect

Two of Your Favorite Things to do:

• Reading
• Sleeping

Two Things You Want Very Badly At The Moment:

• To be able to talk to my mum and tell her I love her and miss her so very much
• To be able to say no more often

Two people who will fill this out:

• I have no idea..

Two things you did last night:

• Watched Big Brother on t.v.
• Played on the internet

Two things you ate yesterday:

• Slice of apple pie
• Marinated Chicken

Two people you Last Talked To:

• D (my DH)
• H (my neighbour)

Things You're doing this week/weekend:

• Going to the cemetary (it's mum's birthday on Saturday and I want to put flowers there)
• Going to the annual County Show

Two longest car rides:

• Gretna, Scotland
• Cornwall

Two Favorite Holidays:

• Yule
• Samhain (Halloween)

If you borrow this for your blog then let me know in comments so I can be nosey..

Councils and British Weather..

Yep I know not a very exciting title but for the life of me I couldn't think of anything witty so stuck with the obvious..lol

Firstly can I say thank you to those that have left me personal comments to my previous post, they are truly appreciated.

And now on to the post.. Well first of all our stupid council couldn't organise a p** up in a brewery if they tried. They have been making noises for several months now about issuing everyone with separate recyling bins, and talking about a fortnightly rubbish collection. Well guess what they have finally got around to it. But it hasn't gone smoothly, nope this one has not been thought out very properly at all.

So anyway last week we have had our gorgeous (not) blue wheely bins delivered so we can happily recyle everything. We had instructions in it as to what we can and what we cannot recycle - blimey that is a military operation in itself. Now preparing dinner, washing up or even opening up a bag now takes twice as long as you mentally think "can I recycle it or is it binnable?" So off you trot to consult the sheet of paper that came around with the bins, that you have dutifuly pinned to the kitchen notice board, and then you have to wash the damn recyclable thing before you throw it away.

Anyway we thought that this weekend was going to be "blue bin" day as we have nicknamed it on our street, and this is also what it says on our lovely little calender sheet that the council have delivered with the bins. Oh no, it turns out that it isn't "blue bin" day. Nope according to the council we should have all had letters telling us that the official recycling day is in three weeks time.. Now where is this letter I can hear you asking, well gods knows. I am sure it is probably still sitting in some secretarys' intray waiting to be typed. Oh and the good bit is not everyone knows this little snippet..I only found out because I rang a friend up the road earlier and she told me. So I have been wandering around the road letting those that are at home know to put their green bin out. It should be interesting tomorrow morning, we will end up with a multi-coloured road of blue and green bins out by the side of the road.

And what is it with this blooming british weather we are having.? One day it is freezing cold, blowing a gale and hail stones the size of golf balls coming out of the sky, the next the winds are blowing and there is lightening and thunder and then the following day it is scorching hot with a blue sky.. Earlier today I was sitting indoors with a jumper and jeans on and all the doors and windows shut because it was blowing a gale and cold, and now this evening I have every window and door open, the fan on and the blinds down on the windows facing the back garden because it is scorching..Oh and the jumper and jeans have been discarded for a summer top and skirt.. I wouldn't mind but you can't really serve up stew and dumplings in a heatwave can you?..

Oh well that's life I suppose.. Oh how I wish we had seasons again not winter straight into summer like we are having nowadays. Ack that is making me sound old..lol

Depression ..

For anyone that doesn't know I suffer from clinical depression and also bipolar.

Now these two conditions can be very debilitating as other sufferers know, but I think to those that aren't aware of what it can be like they tend to see it as someone is just having a bad day, we all have bad days so why can't she pull herself together. You know how I wish it could be shrugged off as having a bad day, but to me when the "black dog" hits it can end up being a bad day, week or even several weeks. It's hard to explain but you don't want to do things, you don't do your normal activities. Things that you used to enjoy just don't hold that enjoyment for you anymore. You know that it will all come back eventually but for some reason you try and con yourself and others that it is there and hasn't gone away. You commit yourself to things, in and outside of the your comfort zone, in the hope that it will kick you back into gear. You don't have a cut off point where you are able to say "no more". Then you feel really bad because you just can't do this. You feel that you have let yourself down and let others down.

This is when the paranoia sets in, you then convince yourself that everyone thinks you are a bad person. Someone who doesn't fulfill what she has committed herself too. You even feel that about yourself, this is when you start to blame yourself. Now this can manifest itself in two ways, you either end up self harming yourself or you shut yourself away from everyone and only have contact with those closest to you. These people know you inside out and would never judge you, and know that eventually you will get yourself back on track and know it will take time but it will happen. These are the people that hold you up, they are in fact the bouys in the deep sea that you are floundering around in just trying to hold yourself up above the water.

Because of this paranoia you are unable to face up to things, this is why you hide away. Like the "ostrich in the sand" syndrome, we often think that if we hide ourselves away it will indeed disappear. But unfortunately it doesn't and sometimes our hiding ourselves away it can indeed make a situation worse. Then the paranoia really takes a life of its own, you are controlled by this paranoia. This is when you start thinking those closest to you are now thinking you are indeed a bad person. The "black dog" really doesn't want to be put to bed until the next time. No he wants to be around and the more you pet this "dog" the more the paranoia maintains a strong hold on you.

Then after a time of letting the "black dog" take control it decides it has had enough. It wants to be "put to bed" until the next time. This is when you finally start to surface, I suppose you would call it, from the paranoia. You can control the paranoia, say no to the "black dog" and finally stop floundering around.

But the damage has been done, people still have their perception of you that they formed while you were being controlled by the "black dog" and paranoia. And no matter how much you try this "black dog" still has some form of control and will keep tapping away until it has full control and you end up going through the same thing over again.

The paranoia will always be there as will the "black dog", and neither will be happy until they have complete control and have destroyed whatever you are clinging to just to get through each day. You just get better at hiding it from others....

I'm finally back..

Life at Chez Bears is now returning back to some normality finally, and the tumbleweed is now starting to blow away..lol

Thank you for bearing with me everyone, and the little nudges in the right directions from some.

Well we seem to be on a spending phase at the moment which isn't a bad thing for me, especially as I like spending someone elses money..



The new double glazed windows have been ordered and they are going to be done at the end of June while D is on holiday from work. All that needs doing when they are done is the front of the house needs to be repainted and the wee fence at the front painted too.

We are also redesigning our garden too this year, one half of it is going to be part lawn and a veggie patch, and t'other half is going to be semi mediteranean with gravel and drought resistant plants. We are getting new patio furniture too, and D has got two new sheds which he can put all his bits and bobs in that are cluttering p the patio at the moment. The patio is looking like a flower display at the moment as I have all the plants and seedlings on there. Mainly because I have nowhere else to put them..

We went to a our local garden show this weekend and brought some more specific type plants for the garden. I wanted to get a rose bush to remember mum by, and found this beautiful rose bush called "Remember Me"





Also I got a rose called "Twice in a Blue Moon" which mum absolutely adored when she was alive.



I also managed to get a couple of other plants for the garden too which I was pleased about.

And then yesterday the washing machine died on me. Well I say died, it hung on for grim death but I had to put it out of its misery. We had soap suds everywhere, and the programmer thingy had died too. Still it meant the floor in the kitchen had a good wash.. Anyway poor D had to dig deep for his credit card and we ended up ordering a washing machine online. But at least I got the one I wanted and I didn't get any arguement either..so that was an added bonus.

While I have been absent from here I have been catching up with my exchanges, which unfortunately I had got behind on. But I can say now that they are going into the post this week and will be with their respective partners very soon. Now I can breathe a very large sigh of relief and make a start on D's mum and dads Golden Wedding anniversary present.

Now back to the stitching..

Normality..

Pushing my way through the tumbleweeds, and the cobwebs taking root in every corner this is just a post to say that life at Chez Bear's blog will return to normality soon.

The usual ramblings about life will be blogged about...

Tarot reading..

How you feel about yourself now (The Lovers)

You want love or a new love in your life and a new relationship is in the offering. Even if you are not thinking about love, you’re in for a surprise. If faced with a choice this is an important one and could affect the rest of your life.

What you most want at this moment (Temperance)

The cards suggest Natty, that what you most want at this time is some peace and harmony, a sense of control and to feel that life is flowing again. Perhaps you have been, or still are, going through some tough times regarding a relationship, financial worries or some other kind of loss. Take heart that peace will be restored - this is a time for you to be calm and patient and life will soon have a sense of normality again.

Your fears (The Tower)

You are afraid your world is falling apart, you're experiencing sudden changes and disruption and you don’t quite know what to do. Perhaps subconsciously you’ve wanted a solution to an issue but didn’t quite expect things to have turned out as they have. Use this change as an opportunity for a new beginning. If you have been planning to move home you will be experiencing setbacks.

What is going for you (Judgement)

Brand new potential, an opportunity which once given must not be ignored, a new project, decision or relationship that could affect the rest of your life. You will enjoy success and enjoyment for past efforts, events will pick up a pace and the outcome will be quicker than expected.

What is going against you (The Magician)

Someone, most likely male, isn’t quite what they seem. Trickery and deception cleverly disguised as charm and friendliness, so be sure that this person really does have your best interests at heart. If someone who you feel wary of is presenting you with a business opportunity, be cautious and trust your instincts.

Outcome (The Hermit)

This is a time for you to be alone or may herald a time of loneliness. Take this time for quiet introspection and rest. Don’t worry you will find the answers, but the Hermit signals a warning not to make hasty decisions. If you have been unwell this is a time for rest and recuperation.

Tarot online..

How true is this horoscope for today..

Having to talk about your emotions is enough to make you want to retreat, but avoiding issues today just won't work. Old hurts can drag back memories that you believed were already gone. Now you realize how hard it is to let go, and these feelings can get in the way of the present situation. Be fearless; brush up against your edge of discomfort. It is there that you can discover your emotional center.

Friday, April 27, 2007 more from tarot.com

OMG I am behind..

Oh b****** I have just checked my list for when my exchanges have to go out and I am now up the creek without a paddle..eek!!

My House with a Landscape Needlework exchange piece was supposed to be out on the 16th of this month - what the heck happened. Gods know what I was thinking of and what date I was thinking of. Oooh b*******. I think someone is going to have to get her act together VERY quickly and invest in some smoking needles... But first I think emails to the organiser and recipient of this exchange deserve emails from me. I think they might be wondering what has happened to the exchange piece from me. All I can say is I AM SO SORRY!!!

At least the other one that is due at the end of the month is almost done. That one is going to be able to go out on time..

Samplers..

Small post to say my wishlist has been updated :-)

I won!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok nothing major..definately not the lottery.. :-) Nope it was the winning horse on the Grand National today. The atmosphere at Chez Bear's while the four horses were coming in to the win was electric. And then when Silver Birch ran over the winning post I literally jumped out me seat shouting the house down. :-)

Let's hope Silver Birch has the same run as Red Rum did - I picked him when I was a wee lassie and it was his first Grand National just like Silver Birch's first National this year.

D's horse came in about 6th..lol

Just to pass the time.. (graphic intensive)

I got these most gorgeous pics from a yahoo group I belong to and I thought they were so irresistable that I wanted to share.. I have no idea who they are but I want them all.. lol

Sun is shining, birds are singing and I had a horrible meeting..

Sorry couldn't think of anything else to go in the title..

Have just come back with a good half hour's session with my psychiatrist - ugh!! Finally I have a permanent psychiatrist who I will be seeing on a regular basis so can build up my trust issues at long last.

The session was not very good I am afraid, there was quite a lot of talk of hospital admission which I was very anti. You are going to have to drag me back there kicking and screaming if he wants me to go back. We have come to a compromise - he has increased my medication again and has given me three months to see if my therapy comes through in that time. If it doesn't then he is going to have review the situation.

Basically the upshot of the session was that I am very close to where I was 13 years ago when I was admitted to the psychiatric ward for my own safety and health.

The bipolar has also reared it's ugly head again, which we thought we had got under control before, which is why he has doubled the dosage of that medication - he wants to get on top of the extreme low that I have hit.

I also got a good talking too for "putting on my mask" What else am I supposed to do, not everyone wants to see me when I am "down" so I hide it. Although it does give the impression that I am doing really well.

So basically I am not going to do anything today. Can't even ring D as he is off seeing a client in Stevenage for the day and is uncontactable. Typical when I need him he isn't around.. :-(

I shall probably go quiet on here and in my stitching communities while I am just adjusting to the increase in meds as well as just generally getting myself back together again, but normal service will be resumed as soon as possible. Plus think of all that stitching I will be doing.. :-)

Ok now I have rambled on I am going to settle down with a cup of tea and try and watch a film on Channel 5 that has just come on.

"I'm Free"

The most famous saying from an actor, and especially an actor I grew up watching on t.v.

John Inman who was most known for playing Mr Humphries in "Are You Being Served" has sadly passed away today, aged 71.

Source - John Inman

Fancy nails..

On Friday I went out with my friend A to Dartford for the day to have my nails professionally done. Not a major achievement for some people but one for me, especially as I have a fear of going out to crowded places and new areas, and with someone that isn't a close friend or family.

We had a great time and I treated myself to a new handbag as well as having my nails done. I loved them although I find it hard to type and do various things, like stitching, with them but I will get used to them eventually..

*Photo's clickable*

Some good news finally...

DH came home the other day with some fantastic news. He has got promotion at his bank. He has finally got the recognition that he deserves after nearly 30 years at HSBC bank.

D is going to be a Corporate Account Manager and gets all the perks that come with it too, like payrise, a Blackberry (no I don't mean the fruit kind either..), executive business lunches etc.. I won't recognise my DH after a few weeks. Although he was bouncing around like Tigger when he came home with the good news. I was so pleased for him, he has worked so hard for the bank and never got any thanks so to speak for all his work he does. And now it has all paid off..

Maybe now things are starting to look up and this is the start of a new life for both of us.

Car update..

Aaaah the car cost me just under £90.00 to get MOT'd and two new windscreen wipers fitted because she failed the original MOT yesterday. I tell you that's the most expensive windscreen wipers I have ever bought..lol

Still she's now legal for another year and has a years car tax on her too. And bless D he paid for the car tax and the difference between the MOT price and repairs needed. Well basically he didn't really have much choice as I didn't have that much money to pay both..lol Although he had already said he would pay my car tax for me before the MOT, but then the repairs came in and I couldn't afford them so it was left to him. He's a good old soul really, bless him. He does see me well and even if it costs him he wants me to keep my car on the road. Not that I use her much, about once a fortnight to go to Asda now and again..

Also took the dogs for the walk to the garage to pick the car up. Wow that was a long walk, its about a mile and half. So imagine it two bouncy dogs and me in high heels .. it made a picture to see..lol And Jet actually behaved himself around other people, he only did his usual growl greeting - no snarling or anything from him. I do think he might be improving, slowly but surely.

Ack its 10.30am..(ish!)

And guess who hasn't had a shower or anything yet..oops

My car has to go for its annual MOT at noon and I am nowhere near ready yet. I wanted to go to the library, pick up a prescription for D and also go to Asda BEFORE I took the car into the garage. Think it will be a hurried visit to the library as I need some new books and I want to read while I am waiting for the car.

Talking of D..guess who left all their credit cards at home today..hehehe. Well actually it was my fault as I had been in his jacket checking the number on his credit card for the online postage I was ordering last night, and somehow or other the wallet they were in didn't go back into his jacket pocket, it slipped down into the wardroble. Ooops, so guess who wasn't popular when I get a call from D to say he had no cards to get any money out.. Plus he had already had a horrendous 3 hour journey into work due to a major accident on the M20 which caused chaos on all the surrounding roads..

And on another bit of news, I received my redwork exchange from the SBBEB board. All I will say is wow... I love it.. Thank you so much Barbara, and thank you for the little P.I.F. gift too. You know me so well..

Piccies to follow in another post, I must go and get showered and get to the library.

Move over rubber ducks ..

Meet fluffy teddies..

My dog Jet has a new slant on the old rubber duck for when you are in the bath.. This is what he decided to put in the bath...



And this is poor Jet looking at the fluffy teddy..



Wonder if there is a market for them..lol

Not a lot to say..

Things have been a bit quiet here for me lately, mainly because I haven't really been doing a lot, well apart from sleeping and watching t.v.

Sorry if it's a bit dull at the moment in the life of Chez Bear's, normal service will resume shortly. I do have some receipes and piccies to post - I have tried a couple of new receipes out and they have turned out really well so I thought I would share them. I've also been finishing a couple of outstanding exchanges but unfortunately I cannot share them as they haven't been received yet, but as soon as they are I will share the pictures.

So until normal service is resumed I just want to say thank you to everyone that has left comments recently, they do mean so much to me.

Barbara (mainleystitching) I will pop a letter in the post to you later this week

Divorcing duvet...

Before I go any further with this post, a warning - this is not a pity me post but it could be construed as one, so I want to apologise if anyone feels that this is what the post is about... I just need to put it down.

Afraid I have only just woken up after having absolutely no sleep last night. I basically sat downstairs all evening, wide awake, watching all the programmes that I had Tivo'd until D got up at 5am for work. I also spent a good three hours stitching on one of my projects and I am paying dearly for it at the moment with a pounding headache.

Anyway I went to bed at 6am and promptly fell fast asleep until about half an hour ago, 3.00pm, when I got up and staggered downstairs and promtly drank two cups of tea one after t'other.

I am basically going to write today off as a very bad day and a complete no-no with regards to flying.

Yesterday was a bad day, this then led to me and D having a horrendous row yesterday which left me shaken. We basically slung insults at each other and he hit the nail on the head when he said he had noticed that I had slipped back into my old ways again, when I was heading for my breakdown. I am burying myself in everything except my own life, if you see what I mean. I am snapping at him, have taken no interest then when I do I get manic over it. He also said that he had noticed I was on automatic pilot when it came to the house and cooking etc.. Trouble is no-one else really sees this as I have got very good at putting on that "face" that I had all those years ago when I had my breakdown, and poor D is the only one that seems to be able to break through this "face". And yes we do know what has sent me spiralling downhill big time - it was Mum's death. It has taken its toll on me harder than I ever imagined it would. Trouble is I can't explain why because of our turbulous relationship over the years.

It also doesn't help that my psychiatrist appointment keeps getting changed for various reasons and I haven't seen them properly for a while now. My medication isn't working so we need to look at another form of medication. I have also had to get my Dr to renew my prescription for my sleeping tablets as I am not sleeping properly again. That is a major factor in my depression and I am hoping once I can get that sorted out again I will start to head upwards. The other thing is I am having to wait for my next round of councelling - I could go private but at the moment it is not an option to consider. I know the mental health team here from my last round of councelling and would like to stay with them if I could. Trouble is it will take a long time and as I know from the last round it will get worse before it gets better.

There are things that I need to tackle in the house and the trouble is until I do this I can't move forward, but it is also these things that are making me avoid the issues. Its like a viscious circle :-(

Anyway I am off to shower and do the washing up.

Thankyou for reading this if you have got this far and haven't been driven to sleep..lol

First daffodil of the season..

Here is the first daffodil of the spring, although spring isn't here yet it's somewhere around the corner.

I was so lucky as this daffodil opened just in time on my birthday Sunday and it felt rather special knowing that Mum had daffodils in her room when I was born, and here was the first one from our garden flowering on my 39th. Made me feel all gooey inside..

39 today ..

39years ago today in Farnborough Hospital a wee lassie was born at 17.55pm to B. And that wee lassie was me

The year I was born my mum's hospital room was full of daffodils, and I actually have a bunch of daffodils, that I cut from my front garden, sitting in one of mum's vases on the middle of my dining room table - these are for mum

Here's to another 39 years, and hopefully this is now the start of my new life.

Baby its cold...

The weather here is certainly taking another turn for the worse. I do wish it would decide whether its going to be nice and sunny or grey and blooming freezing. My poor heating is on and off like a yoyo. At the moment it is off but I am just about to switch it on as I cannot stitch with cold hands, although it would probably help if I put a cardigan on and not just be wearing a tshirt and jeans.. They are forecasting snow for this week so that should be interesting, especially as the poor daffodil bulbs are almost flowering. I even have crocuses in full bloom out the front too.



I would also like to say thank you to everyone that commented on my last post, they really mean so much to me.