Cat Commandments....

Thou shalt not jump onto the keyboard
when thy human is using the computer.







Thou shalt not pull the phone cord out of the back of the modem.
Thou shalt not unroll all of the toilet paper off the roll.








Thou shalt not sit in front of the television or monitor as thou are not transparent.

Thou shalt not walk in on a dinner party and commence licking thy butt.

Thou shalt not lie down with thy butt in thy human's face.







Fast as thou art, thou cannot run through closed doors.
Thou shalt not leap from great heights onto thy human's lap.

Thou shalt not climb on garbage cans with hinged lids, as thou wilt fall in and trap thyself.








Thou shalt not reset thy human's alarm clock by walking on it.
Thou shalt not jump onto a seat just as thy human is sitting down.

Thou shalt realize that the house is not a prison from which to escape at any opportunity.







Thou shalt not trip thy humans even if they are walking too slow.
Thou shalt not push open the bathroom door when there are guests in thy house.

Thou shalt remember that thou art a carnivore and that houseplants are not meat.

Thou shalt show remorse when being scolded.

~WHY???~

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And my FAVORITE......

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then is it you?

Just a short one..

During my usual browsing the blogs I read, I have come across a couple of meme's that I want to do too.. but I am only going to do one at the moment, the other I will do when I am bored during the evening..lol.

I "borrowed" this one from Wenchy's blog and if you want to know more then go over here


N_____ Nice
A_____ A good friend
T _____ Timid
A_____ Affectionate
L _____ Loveable
I _____ Indescribable
E _____ Emotional

Time and no man...

I knew it..lol Why on earth did M say that they would be seeing me at 10am today..? I will admit I was really looking forward to seeing him, and having a good old chat over a cup of tea. And he even promised he would have a couple of hours to spend with me rather than just 10 minutes or a quick phone call. And guess what? Yep he was a no show.. Now this does not surprise me in the least. When I saw M 5 years ago or more, he wasnt exactly the best of time keepers - I mean he used to forget days..lol. And I see nothing has changed.. :-)

Oh well the good thing is at least I can laugh about it now. A few years ago I would have been in tears and sitting by the phone willing it to ring, heck I even used to check it to see if it worked. Yep I know sad..lol. But this time I havent even really let it bother me. Maybe its cos I am too comfy curled up on the sofa with Bear while watching This Morning on the t.v.

I have done my housework for the day - the upstairs looks clean and tidy, even the bedroom has been decluttered. Its amazing what you can do in 15 minute bursts.. oh how I like Flylady..lol. The living room has actually stayed tidy for three days..lol. I have even been tidying the "hotspots" before bed..now that is sad.!!

Ok I have two nice cakes sitting in the kitchen, the question is do I start them or keep them..lol. Hmm big decision..lol. One of them is a gateau that I suppose wouldnt really keep - yep I was feeling extravagant while in town yesterday so brought a black forest gateau. Dont ask me why.. well yes I know why.. I thought it would be nice while M was here to be really decadant and have a cup of tea with a nice slice of gateau.. heaven!! The other cake is a home made lemon drizzle cake. I had so much energy yesterday evening that I ended up making this cake while D was watching Judge John Deed on cable replay. Oooh decisions decisions.. And if M does 'dain to get here before midday then I might have some cake left..lol. No dont worry I wont be eating it all in one go, I'm not that much of a cake junkie.. I'll probably have a piece of gateau and save the rest for me and D to have as pudding today and tomorrow after tea. The lemon cake I shall take with me tomorrow when I drive to my inlaws to collect my spare computer tower, and take her defunct one back.

I have been doing an hour of stitching a day - but only cos I dont want to lose the bug again. I figured that if I did at least an hour then I would feel that I am still keeping my hand in with stitching. Haven't got any pictures yet, as the pieces I am doing are for an exchange and for a friend as a surprise. But I am enjoying stitching them...

Apart from that I am plodding on as I can.. having my ups and downs, mainly more downs than ups. Which is why M was going to spend some time with me today..oh well never mind. He might even think to ring me later..although I dont think I will hold my breath on that one.. ;-)

Today... 23rd January 2006

Is officially the depressing day in the year. Well it is according to "THIS" and a welsh scientist.

Well all I can say is today was no different than any other day for me... lol.

A Dog's Prayer ...

A Dog's Prayer...

Treat me kindly, my beloved master,
for no heart in all the world is more
grateful for kindness than the loving
heart of me.

Do not break my spirit with a stick,
for although I should lick your hand
between blows, your patience and
understanding will more quickly teach
me the things you would have me do.

Speak to me often, for your voice is the
worlds sweetest music, as you must know
by the fierce wagging of my tail when your
footstep falls upon my waiting ear.

When it is cold and wet, please take me
inside, for I am now a domesticated animal,
no longer used to bitter elements. And I ask
no greater glory than the privilege of sitting
at your feet beside the hearth. Though had
you no home, I would rather follow you
through ice and snow than rest upon the
softest pillow in the warmest home in the
land, for you are my god and I am your
devoted worshipper.

Keep my pan filled with fresh water,
for although I should not reproach you
were it dry, I cannot tell you when I suffer
thirst. Feed me clean food so that I may
stay well to romp and play and do
your bidding, to walk by yourside, and
stand ready willing and able to protect
you with my life should your life be in danger.

And beloved master, should the Great Master
see fit to deprive me of my health or sight,
do not turn me away from you. Rather, hold
me gently in your arms as skilled hands
grant me the merciful boon of eternal rest...
and I will leave you knowing with the last
breath I draw, my fate was ever safest
in your hands.

--- Beth Norman Harris ---

I don't believe it - its back :-(

The damn headache and sinus pain across the bridge of my nose. AAAAAAAarrrrrrrhhhhhhhhh

I had the the sum total of 3 glorious days without any pain..wooohooo!! Then I woke up this morning, sat up and BANG!! It hit me.. yep the headache nearly floored me as I wasnt expecting it. And the sinus pains..please make it go away. It looks like the antibiotics didn't completely clear the problem up..so I am going to have to make another appointment to see the dr.

All I can say is thank gods I had stocked up on some painkillers the other weekend, but sadly they arent the full strength ones I normally take, they are only half strength. Never mind I get paid at the weekend so I can pop into Boots and pick up a box of extra strength painkillers.

Oh well back to limited activity again..aaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrhhhhhh!!!

I absolutely adore this piece - please do not be offended.

I am tired...

I am tired of being told I worship Satan when I dont.
I am tired of my God being told He is evil.
I am tired of stating that I also worship the Goddess.
I am tired of being stereotyped.
I am tired of having friends one day, then coming out of the broom closet, and not being acknowledged the next.

I am tired of being talked about behind my back when someone sees my necklace.
I am tired of my tree being called a "Christmas" tree and my eggs "Easter" eggs.
I am tired of hearing I am going to hell because I am sinning, when Jesus died for my sins and I do not believe in Jesus.

I am tired of hearing how evil Halloween is when it was created by the same group of followers and Samhain is what I celebrate and it isnt evil.
I am tired of receiving booklets to "convert" to their religion when their religion forbids such a practice.
I am tired of them not "loving thy neighbor" and "love thy enemy."
I am tired of explaining where the name Hel actually came from.
I am tired of ignorance.

I am tired of uneducated humans.
I am tired of being asked if I have "found Jesus" when I didnt know he was missing.
I am tired of being slammed against the locker door because I am a "Witch"
I am tired of being depressed.
I am tired of being thought of on Samhain even tho we celebrate throughout the year other holidays.

I am tired of being picked on in class because I am "different."
I am tired of living in the shadows.
I am tired of my child not able to sing Yule songs, but can sing "Christmas, Chanuka and Kwanza" songs.

I am tired of being judged by those who "shall be judged in the Kingdom of Heaven."
I am tired of rejection.
I am tired of sitting here.
I am tired of going thru this every day of my chosen faith.
I am tired of watching those like me getting the same treatment or worse.
I am tired of of you reading this and not doing a damn thing about it

Author = Brandy Stibbs aka aWitchyWolfe

Just found this on my spare hard drive, and wanted to share it. This is my lovely dog Scruffybear (Bear for short!). I think he is very photogenic, and he absolutely loves having his photo taken...bless him. 

Not sure what to call this post..and possibly tmi..

Ok this is a pity post for me, sadly it is one that has been getting to me for a while.

Now I am not sure if my readers know that I seem to be unable to carry a baby full term..I have had 14 miscarriages over a period of 12 years now. I did give birth twice but sadly they were both born way too early..a little girl at 21 weeks and a little boy at 20 weeks. And since then I have had troubles. The thing is I dont have any trouble actually conceiving, well I didnt till now..but the trouble was I had trouble carrying. Most of the time I lost when I was between 8 and 12 weeks. The last miscarriage was back in August 2004.

On investigation I have a weak womb, but that is nothing that cant be sorted out. And the other thing is they say I have unexplained infertility - heck how can I have infertility when I can actually conceive.

Since that August I have had no troubles with my monthlies, back on 28 days as regular as clockwork. For about 6 months or so after the miscarriage I went on the pill to regulate my body and then I came off them. Since then I have been in tune with the full moon..every 28 days for about 3/4 days.. Funny that is something I can say I have had no troubles with.. So why cant I now conceive?

It seems everywhere I look either on the boards or on the t.v. everyone is falling pregnant. Heck even people that arent really trying are falling.. Now please dont get me wrong I am really pleased for them, and would do nothing to dampen on their happiness. But everytime I see/hear someone falling pregnant its like a knife goes deeper and deeper.

I would so dearly love to have a child - I havent even got one like some have that are pregnant now. I know my age is probably going to go against me now - I am 37, and will be 38 in February. So the clock is ticking very loudly.

I have gone through fertility treatment, investigations and everything else possible. We have had tablets to boost my eggs, blood tests, everything and they were all normal. In the medical eyes there is no reason on earth why I cannot have a child.

It has even got to the point where I have even considered surrogacy.. I looked into it to see if maybe a surrogate mother would be a route we could take.

I have even stopped seeing a friend of mine because she fell pregnant with twins near the time I had my miscarriage in August, and it was so painful for me that I cut her out of my life because I couldnt be around her when she was pregnant or even when she had the twins. It hurts me when I see mothers that are basically only in it to get the benefits, so they just produce like rabbits.. then there are those that say oh we would love to have another child for our other child so they can have a brother or sister..etc.. You know I feel like saying to some people "be bloody grateful that you have one, there are people out there that cant even have one.." I feel that it has made me bitter and very angry, it does hurt me knowing that I am possibly going to be childless. The nearer I hit 40 the harder it gets.

All I want is a child of my own, to carry full term, to go through the joy/horror of birth - to be a mother.

There are some bastards out there...(Rant)

I have just watched my local news and there are these really cute Jack Russell dogs on there.. and it transpires they had been dumped on a busy road in Essex. I mean what inhuman person would dump three Jack Russel dogs just like that.? These poor little dogs had sores on them, which had obviously gone untreated for awhile. One dog had them on his nose, poor little thing he looked so forlorn. Another one had the sores on his back, and bless him he still carried on bounding around. And the last dog had them in his ears..poor little mite. These must have been so depilitating for these lovely dogs, its got to the point where they have bald patches where the sores were so irritating for them.

I mean how can someone be so cruel and callous to just dump them.? The mind beggars belief. And they say Great Britain is a nation of animal lovers..yeah say that to the RSPCA and other animal charities that are left to deal with the cruelty cases and dumped animals.

Thank fully these lovely Jack Russells are being cared for by the RSPCA and are getting the treatment and love they need. But sadly some animals arent as lucky. :-(

It makes my blood boil when I think of these people. I mean I could never even consider doing anything like that to my animals. I have had my recent animals (Scruffybear and Ollie) from animal charities and I will continue doing so when we want another animal when the time comes. Ok in some cases like Ollie and Patch (before Scruffy) the owners have been elderly and have died or been unable to look after their pet, and it probably broke their heart having to give their beloved pet up..but these are just a fraction of the animals at the centres. Scruffy was one of the abused cases, that the poor wee boy was so undernourished when he came to us he would bolt his food down so fast incase it was taken away from him. He didnt know how to play, he was terrified of the dark, hated going out in the garden, would cower if you tethered him outside a shop while you was inside because he thought you wouldnt come back to him and is still frightened of the rain.

Ok off my soap box I think..

What a surreal moment..lol

I had just got up and D shouted up that he could hear goats baying (or whatever goats do..lol) from a neighbours garden. I thought he had totally lost it, but it did get Ollie in though.

Anyway I popped upstairs to have a quick nose out the back bedroom window, and what did I see? Yep you guessed it...goats. Two of them, a brown and white one and a black and white one. Well I was gobsmacked.. especially as we live in a suburban area full of houses and roads.. The nearest thing you get to a small holding or farm here is up the main road towards the doctors where there is a chicken farm. But never did I imagine I would see goats in a neighbours garden...lol They do look well cared for, and do have lovely blue collars on each with a little bell. Wonder if they have all the DEFRA papers.. bet that tickled DEFRA..two goats in a garden in a suburb..lol.


Luckily they have a 100ft garden so its not too bad, and they do live at the end of a terraced block. But not quite the thing you expect to see when you open your bedroom windows and there is a goat looking at you..

Poor Scruffy cant quite make it out, he keeps going out and coming back in and making strange noises. Luckily when the patio doors are shut he is quiet, but its going to be interesting in the summer - goat noises.. Wonder if they are going to get chickens next..lol

Also I suppose it will be a good deterrant to Ollie, not to stray too far from our garden, well thats if he does actually go further than the patio that is. Or comes out from under the patio chairs when he is outside. Thats as far as he gets at the moment, and all the birds still come down and feed while he is outside. Poor Ollie is rigid with fear..he doesnt quite know what to do. So I definately do think he was an indoor cat before we got him.. I mean he doesnt know what grass or dirt is.. Bless him.

Anyway more on the goat saga hopefully later, I am going to pop over to the neighbours and just see that I am not hallucinating..lol.

Imagine..

Just a little something -

Imagine, for a moment,
that peace befell the land,
that all of humankind reached out
and held each other's hand.

Imagine, for an instant,
the touch of skin to skin
proved so powerful a feeling
every nation felt like kin.

Imagine, for a second,
love possessed the honest soul
of each citizen on the planet
and the world was truly whole.

Imagine, for a heartbeat,
how hatred would dissolve and
compassion rise up gallantly
with blazing-strong resolve.

Imagine, in your lifetime,
this chain of hope began and
the link at its inception
was your firm, extended hand.

Imagine......

(author unknown)

Being brave - weight ticker

Ok after seeing the nurse yesterday for my annual medication and asthma review, and she decided to weigh me, I have put my ticker at the top of my blog to encourage me that is how much weight I would ideally like to lose between now and end of December.

I dont really need to lose this weight, but after a discussion with the nurse and finding out that my body mass index is just bordering on the very top scale of my ideal weight, I have decided to set myself a wee goal to lose half a stone by the end of the year, if I dont lose it then its not the end of the world. But at least its a realistic goal. And if I lose more, well that is an added bonus.

Black dog is rearing its head again.. :-(

Havent bloged for a few days as unfortunately the old black dog is rearing its head once again. Not even sure why, but for some reason its now got to the point where all I want to at the moment is sleep constantly, and when I am not sleeping I am crying. Its hard to explain, I wish I could.

D has been bearing the brunt of it all, I turned nasty on him last night. All I wanted to do was throw his dinner at him, and this was all over me not wanting my dinner that he had cooked. He said he wouldnt do it again..so I said that I would do it on a Sunday, and obviously it all blew out of control and as I put earlier the dinner nearly ended up in his lap. I turned him away when he came upstairs to me to calm me down, and all I can say is I had this overwhelming urge to just scream at him and tell him that I didnt want to do anything or be anywhere. But I didnt, something stopped me.

So I am just going to take it slowly at the moment, and possibly contact my psychiatrist and see if he will increase my mood stabilisers. I seriously think they need upping again.

But I am thinking its the strain of having to reapply for my benefits again, having this damn migraine and flu symptoms for over a month with no sign of it going away.

I cant even get into my stitching - things are bad!!

Very boring day..dr's appt.

Well after having this damn migraine for 4 weeks now, ever since I had the blasted flu a month ago I finally succumbed and got an appointment at the doctors. So today was the appointment. I went in armed with a list which I had printed off earlier with the help of the girls on my APG group :-) I gave him my list of what was wrong, and bless him he put it all on the computer (in his words of course!) Anyway the upshot of it is that I have a course of antibiotics, and am awaiting an appointment to see a nice man at hospital to have a MRI scan as a precaution. Thankfully its nothing to worry about he said, just better to be safe than sorry. He's such a nice and caring doctor.

Regarding the benefits, the Dr is going to write to the DSS and DLA advising them that I am not fit for work at all, and requesting the retire me off totally. Yes I did cry, cos it was awful having to face the fact that at 37 my working life is over now. I did say what happens if I feel okay to do something in a couple of years time, but he said that in his opinion because I havent gone to work in the past 11 years since I have been ill he didn't think I would be able to cope with a working environment due to pressures etc.. And he wasn't happy agreeing to it either. So basically its time to put this lass on the scrap heap..lol. He's also going to tell them what I am like when I go to him, my fears and everything I have told him about what would happen if they withdraw my benefits. I also had to admit to him that I have had suicidal thoughts over this, which isnt good either, now it means I am still on the high risk mental health register.,whatever that is..grrr!!


I have also got to resubmit my disability form to say that I didn't feel the first one in correctly, and he said that they should backdate the money from September of last year when they reduced my payments. I also have to stress that I need constant care 7 days a week, even if its just to phone someone to come and stay with me till DH comes home from work when I am distressed.

So there's the upshot of it.. We did talk about me feeling like I was feeling like a scrounger because I have got an invisible illness but he said that he wouldn't support me if he didn't think that I needed him too.

Apparently I was the 3rd person who had been in to see him about the benefits and scared of losing them. So basically that's it.