Finally accepted it..
Thursday, May 19, 2005
After yet another morning of non stop crying because as I was making my way upstairs with a cup of tea and a bowl of shreddies and I cant even remember how it happened, but all I know is I was flat on my face and the hot cup of tea had spilt all over the wallpaper and the shreddies on the floor. I just collapsed in a heap and howled the place down. I rang Dave terrified he would have a go at me because the hallway had only just been decorated. I was blubbing down the phone at him saying how sorry I was etc.. Poor lamb all he kept saying was its not serious and he can paint over it at the weekend. But I wasnt happy, to me it was the end of the world. I dont even know why I was thinking like that..
Anyway took myself back to bed and I am still here at 3.10pm, and I have been crying all morning and I am feeling so low. But it just dawned on me.. I am having a major down cycle. I have been cycling for a while now, and I cant even put my finger on when it started.. I have been up and down like a yoyo for a while
For all those that dont know what I am talking about here are two very good articles on what I suffer from:Cyclothymia or Bipolar III BiPolar IIIBiPolar III
And if anyone tells me to pull myself together I am personally going to send them a bomb through the post.. because thats what a few "friends" used to say to me before they realised what it was. Although even after finding the diagnosis a couple still say it when I am down, which is why I take myself away from people and do not talk to anyone for ages till I am back out of the downwards cycle. Athough at the moment the downs and ups are very close together.
Flying towards my dreams @3:16 pm