Her passing was peaceful..

At 1.11am on the 23rd November 2006 my mother gave up her will to live. She was in no pain, she was not aware of what was happening and was heavily sedated, but it was a peaceful passing. I was at her side throughout, and was with her to the end. She saw me into this world 38 years ago, and 38 years later I saw her out of this world.

Rest In Peace Mum, I will always love you.

update on mum

Hospital just phoned, mum has deteriated overnight. Her kidneys have failed and she is now on dialysis as well as the other equipment keeping her alive.

The hopital say she has basically given up, she is not responding to any treatment at all. They have said it is now basically a waiting game.

My aunt is coming down from Newcastle tomorrow to be with me and we will see what happens.

Family crisis.

I have spent all of this evening at my local hospital in the ICU department. Unfortunately my mother was rushed into A&E today and was then immediately transferred to ICU. I didn't know until my Aunt T rang me with the news at 5pm today. Once I had found out where mum was, and D had come home from work we immediately went to the hospital where I found my mum in a very bad way. D left me there and came home to sort himself and the dogs out. I have only just got back in, it is now 1.45am and I am absolutely shattered.

Unfortunately she is unable to breathe on her own and is on a ventilator. The diagnosis sadly is pneumonia (sp!) and emphysema. This is due to the heavy smoking that she has done over the many years and refuses to give up. Sadly it looks like it is going to be the killer of her.

The prognosis is not very good, she has very badly damaged lungs and one is completely knackered and complete irrepairable. The Dr who is looking after her says she is in the best place, but unfortunately because of the damage and she seems to have given up the will to live that only time will tell. He said it could be days or weeks before she makes a recovery, if she recovers at all. The next 48 hours are critical, she may or maynot make it through this time. So I am having to steal myself for the inevitable.

Unfortunately my time will now be taken up with hospital visits as I am not leaving her there on her own. So that when I have got up and sorted everything out at home I will be spending my time in the ICU with mum.

Until time tells what is going to happen I am taking some time out and will not be around as much as I have been.

Please bear with me during this heartbreaking time for me and my mum. And any positive thoughts would be appreciated.

Posting and Royal Mail..

OOOOh this is different, Royal Mail have an online prepay stamp service. You can set up an account and add how much you want to credit your account with, then when you want to send something either abroad on in the UK you just type in the weight and where it is going to etc, then the details of who to and it works out the exact amount and then prints off a label, or whatever you are using with the amount and a barcode on. Well all I can say is it is going to make my life a lot easier as I can do this and get D to post all my letters in London now instead of me going to the post office in the village and crossing my fingers that whatever I am posting doesn’t go astray.

Three cheers for Royal Mail is all I am saying now..

Pay It Forward -

Ok I was avoiding this like the plague, not because I was being boring but because I was being all good and not getting into any more stitching that was not for me, well obviously exchanges dont count..lol But I have given in, as I knew I would...lol

The first five people to respond to this post (via the comments section) will get some form of “art” made by me. An original hand crafted item, utilizing one of my favorite mediums - stitching, stamping, beading, knitting etc.. I hope to tailor this to you and your likes, so after you comment, please email me your snail mail address (scruffybear004 at gmail dot com) along with your blog address (if you have one) and some information about your likes and dislikes across the board (not just stitching) as well as anything else that might help spark my creativity. Think of it as something to look forward to getting in the mail, although I refuse to put a deadline on this, so it may be a total surprise when it arrives. ;)

There is a catch, of course, the way this works is that if you sign up, you have to blog this as well and continue sharing.

I promise that I won’t take forever with this, but if you sign up, please don’t expect anything before 2007, out of respect for my Christmas stitching and other current obligations. Thanks and have fun!

The lion sleeps tonight..

I am hoping that tonight I can get a decent nights sleep, and that the pain doesnt keep me awake. I have dosed myself up with painkillers, my sleeping tablet and put plenty of cream on the offending article. So lets see if I actually make it through the whole night, or at least until D gets up for work tomorrow.

I also have plenty of painkillers to keep me going for at least another 4 days, as well as enough cream too.

I am supposed to be going to the Dr's on Wednesday for my annual smear test, but believe me with this pain at the moment, the last thing I really want is a bloody hard cold speculum thingy causing me more pain than necessary. So I think I am going to have to cancel the appointment. I might make a new appointment to see my Dr regarding the "grape" and see if he can help me, that's if the pain hasn't eased.

My mood ~~

Well that pain in my rear has a name now - piles!!! I am so not happy and in a lot of pain at the moment. I can't sleep, I can't sit comfortably, and I am dosed it with so many painkillers its unbelievable..grr!!

So it looks like a trip to the chemist tomorrow and then the Dr's first thing next week..ugh!!!

Oh Joy..

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The internet bloweth up..

Why is it that everytime it rains I lose my internet connection? I give up.. I have called Telewest out to sort this out and they replaced the cable from the junction box to my house so it isn't that. They tested my connection indoors and everything is fine here too.. So where is the problem? Why is it that when there is water on the ground the stupid thing disappears on me and I have to keep rebooting so many times I lose ..

Oh well looks like I will be calling Twest out again to see if we can sort this problem out yet again..

Why am I up..

Can someone please tell me why I have been up since 5am this morning? Now those that know me will know I DON'T do mornings.. Me and mornings do not agree, we have this silent agreement - I don't get up too early..lol

So why the heck have I been plodding around the house since D got up at 5am.? And what's even worse is that he went to work at 6.30am and I am still up. Admittedly I have been fallen asleep on the sofa, I can feel my head nodding..

The house is totally silent of animals, they are all snoring their little heads off in their respective beds. The cats are dotted around upstairs somewhere, and the two dogs are asleep on their duvets on the chairs. All I was hearing was the occasional whimper from one of the animals while they were sleeping, and the drone of the washing machine. Oh and mustn't forget the birds outside..I think they were enjoying being able to feed in the garden without being stared at by my horror cat Ollie..lol

Oh well one consolation of being up early is that the house looks nice and tidy, the washing up has been done, the meat is out for tonights dinner and the days washing has been done.

And I have also finished my ornament for the ornament exchange that I am in. So that can be posted off on Monday when D is at work. It will be early I know but I would rather it went early at this time of the year.

That's it for my exchanges this year, the next one doesn't have to go out till January :) Woohoo I am actually up to date, although I did have to send a replacement one out for the Spring/Autumn exchange as my original one seems to have got lost somewhere. Its probably stuck in customs or stuck in the preChristmas mail, well that's what Royal Mail said when I rang them up yesterday to see what could have possibly have happened to this package. This next package better not get lost, although I did get D to send it from his bank's post office and not send it from the village as I normally do.

Not a lot going on, so basically there isn't really anything to put on here. Wow don't I lead an exciting life..lol You know there must be some things that I can blog about, I cannot really not do anything with my life can I? Am I really that dull..  Oh wait, nope - I baked two lemon cakes this evening while cooking dinner. Exciting eh!!

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Ollie the great big hunter..

It seems that Ollie my 5yr old boy cat is turning out to be a bit of a hunter. After already managing to catch a bird the other day, although I don't know how he did it, he came running in this morning with a wee sparrow in his mouth. Oh what fun that was, he decided to run upstairs and sit on the middle landing step with it in his mouth. After a bit of time growling at D, he did manage to give it up, only for this bird to fly under the carpet piece we have on this step.. D did eventually get it after throwing a dirty teatowel over it, and gently picking it up. The poor little bird was still alive thankfully, but wasn't squawking, and Ollie didn't really seem that interested in it now it was moving around. D let went outside, and off it flew quite happily into the forsythia bush in the garden. So that was a happy ending thankfully :-)

Thank gods Ollie doesn't wander out of the garden or I dread to think what he would come home with..lol

testing

A post is just a post..

Afraid I have nothing of any interest to post at all. Today has been rather boring, nothing exciting has happened at Chez Bear's.

I am halfway through one of my exchanges, that doesn't need to be sent off until January, so I have had to put that to one side and finish the other exchange that I started early this morning to be sent off the first two days of December. I am hoping to send this through within the next fortnight so that it doesnt get caught up in the dreaded Christmas mail rush..

Jet and Bear are as happy as pigs in clover now they are together. Jet has settled down so much in the past 6 weeks, he is a totally different dog now. He even walks along happily on a dog harness instead of his halti that he used to wear.

I also took him round to a friends house the other day so we could socialise him with her husband, seeing as they are going to be looking after Jet anytime we go away for a day or so, or go on holiday. And Jet was fantastic, he took to R no troubles, although we did have a hiccup on the way out as I was going home, but we think that was just because he was on his lead. I took his lead off and he was fine again.. So I reakon a few more socialising sessions like this and he will be bouncing all over R.

Amy now eats downstairs with the other two cats, although halfway through you do have to move her food bowl up on the stairs half way up as she gets a bit panicky when the dogs have finished their food and start wandering around. But we are getting there with her now, the main thing is that she doesn't eat her food away from everyone now. And she also sleeps on D's lap at night now when he is watching the t.v, and often stretches out on the top of the armchair behind D's head.

So I think all in all Jet and Amy have settled into Chez Bear's house very well and without any troubles at all.

An eager beaver

I am obviously feeling a bit too eager over my exchange pieces that I have to do at the moment. I am happily doing two and thinking that they will both be finished by the end of this month. Well I checked to see when they have to be mailed off and one doesn't have to go till middle of December, but think that one can go out as soon as its finished so it doesn't get stuck in the Christmas post. But the other one doesnt have to go out till the first week in January..oops I am definately too eager..lol

Maybe I think I should do some of my own stitching for once..

An old cart horse..

Yep that's what I am now..lol

Went to the Dr's today to sort out why my pill isnt working properly. I wish I hadn't..lol

I have a new prescription for a new pill, but I also got the lovely news that at the grand old age of 38yrs I am going through an early menopause .. Ack!!  And there was me thinking that me feeling hot and cold, with no inbetween, was my medication..oh well!!

I told D on the phone when I got back, and instead of saying something soothing he came out with "ooh that will save the heating bills".. men!!! But I do know he was being soothing in his own way, although I did call him a few names..lol

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First robin of the winter..

Have seen our resident robin, well at least I think it's our resident one they all look alike. Anyway he has shown himself for the first time this winter, and boy is his breast a bright red colour this year. Where do they go in the summer though that you don't see them..hmmm

It officially feels like winter is here now that the robin is in the garden..

What happened to my good intentions today..

I was going to be a good girl and get all the housework done today, especially as upstairs really needs a major hoovering..hmm I think I have lost my "get up and go". Looks like it will be a mad stash and dash before D get's home from work.


Karen - a courgette is commonly known as a zucchini ..

Have been baking today..

Decided today that as it was a nice and crisp day I would do some winter baking, so I have made the following:

As our Asda was selling off pumpkins at 20p each this weekend we decided to buy a couple and here is the outcome:



Here's the receipe:

2 courgettes, trimmed and cut into chunks
1 red and and 1 yellow pepper, seeded and sliced
2 large tomatoes, sliced
1 red onion, peeled and sliced
2 garlic cloves, peeled and sliced
4 tbsp olive oil
850ml/1 1/2 pints of vegetable stock
1 pumpkin or butternut squash, peeled, seeded and chopped
fresh basil leaves to garnish (optional)
toasted crusty bread to serve (optional)

Preheat the oven to 200C/Fan 180C/Gas Mark 6. Place the courgettes, peppers, onion and tomatoes in a large roasting tin: scatter over the garlic. Drizzle with oil; toss together to coat. Roast for 25 mins until tender when tested with a sharp knife.
Pour the stock into a pan; bring to the boil. Add the pumpkin; cook for 15 mins until tender. Drain, reserving the stock. Place the pumpkin in a food processor or blender. Reserve a few slices of pepper and onion for garshing; add remaining vegetables to the processor or blender.

Blend the vegetables until smooth. Stir into the stock. Season with salt and fresh ground black pepper. Reheat gently. Pour into bowls; garnish with the reserved vegetables and basil. Serve with toasted crusty bread.

This can be frozen for up to 3 months.

My version came out a bit thicker than I wanted, but that was because I was using a new gadget I had just treated myself to - a stick hand blender. So it was trial and error really.. But it tasted gorgeous..

The other thing I had been baking was this: Lemon and raisin bars



85g self raising flour
85g porridge oats
50g soft brown sugar
85g butter
For the topping:
25g butter, melted
3 eggs
175g soft brown sugar
140g raisins
85g dessicated coconut
the grated rind and juice of a large lemon
50g icing sugar

Turn the oven to fan 160C/conventional 180C/gas 4. Put the flour, oats and sugar in a bowl and rub in the butter with your fingertips. Tip into the base of a 26x18cm tin and press until smooth. Bake for 10 minutes or until pale golden.

Beat the melted butter, eggs and sugar with the raisins, coconut, half the lemon rnd and 2 tbsp of juice. Pour over the baked base and return to the oven for 20 minutes more until the top is set and pale golden. Mark into 12 bars while still warm, then leave to cool before cutting through.

Tip the icing sugar into a small bowl and mix with the remaining lemon rind Stir in up to 3 tsps of lemon juice to make smooth icing then drizzle in diagonal lines over the top of each bar.

These will keep in a tin for up to a week. They are best NOT frozen as it will spoil their texture.

You can also try out different combinations of fruit as well, substituting cranberries instead of raisins, or apricots instead of the raisins, or half raisins and cranberries, or dried blueberries or really any dried fruit combination.

I hate computers..

Aaah, my computer has been driving me nuts for the last evening and all today. My stupid Norton decided to have a major hissy fit and refuse to work - although it probably didn't help that it had expired, and when I went to put the new Norton on it refused to work..aah!!

Finally after 48hrs of constant fiddling with the darn thing I finally got it to work.

Now I have to sort out D's computer as his Norton has expired and I couldn't get his new Norton to work. Now I know what to do to get it to work I can put his on tomorrow.

So me and computers today are having a minor disagreement..lol

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Weather watch..

I give up with british weather. One minute its cold enough to freeze the wotsits off a monkey and then a few days later its warm enough to dry your washing outside. You know why can't it just stay one steady temperature..

Yep I'm moaning as I have just put my heating on. I'm pleased that I have managed to get to 2nd November without breaking down and putting the radiators on, but now it looks like it will be going off again by the end of the weekend.. If me or D hasn't gone down with a cold or flu by the end of the winter it will be a blooming miracle..lol

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Something to pass the time..

48 Things You Could Care Less About, and a little insight into me..

1. FIRST NAME? Natalie
2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Nope, but it was the one specification that my father made my mother name me his chosen name for me if I was a girl..
3. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? This morning
4. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? It depends on how tired I am when I am writing, but otherwise yes I do.
5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCHMEAT? Haslet
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Yeppers..
7. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? Only this blog
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yes
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? Not blooming likely..
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Honey Nut Shredded Wheat
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? No.
12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? I used to be, but not since my breakdown. I am working on it though..
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? Clottled cream vanilla
14. SHOE SIZE? 6
15. RED OR PINK? Definately pink
16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? My moods
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? My best mate N
18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? I hope I will read this on the blogs I visit..
19. WHAT COLOR PANTS, SHIRT AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Denim jeans, cream shirt and pink fluffy slippers
20. LAST THING YOU ATE? Fried egg sandwich and a yoghurt
21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? The theme tune to Murder She Wrote on the t.v.
22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? A pinky purple
23. FAVORITE SMELL? My dog Bear's feet (dont ask!!)
24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? The newsagents this morning when they phoned about my cross stitch magazine..
25. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO? Eyes
26. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON you stole THIS from? Most definately..
27. FAVORITE DRINK? Malibu and coke
28. FAVORITE SPORT? Ewww' no sports for me..
29. EYE COLOR? Very dark brown
30. HAT SIZE? Haven't a clue
31. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? Nope, can't wear them so have to stick to glasses.
32. FAVORITE FOOD? Bacon and onion suet pudding
33. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Happy endings
35. SUMMER OR WINTER? Winter
36. HUGS OR KISSES? Hugs
37. FAVORITE DESSERT? Steamed treacle sponge pudding
38. WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Hopefully people who's blogs I read
39. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Have no idea..
40. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? A Dr Who book that I picked up at the library
41. WHAT���S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? Its my sofa..
42. WHAT DID YOU WATCH LAST NIGHT ON TV? Most Haunted Live and Secret Policeman's Ball
43. FAVORITE SOUNDS? Lambs, birds first thing in the morning, my cats purrs - too many to mention.
44. ROLLING STONE OR BEATLES? Neither
45. THE FURTHEST YOU���VE BEEN FROM HOME? Utah
46. WHAT���S YOUR SPECIAL TALENT? I think I am a good listener..
47. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? England
48. WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? I stole this from Annette

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