This sums me up at the moment..

This was taken from a wonderful persons blog, who I have been reading and have utmost respect for her.."Minx"
Tears of a clown...

Now if there's a smile on my face
It's only there tryin' to fool the public
But when it comes down to foolin' you
Now honey that's quite a different subject

So don't let my glad expression
Give you the wrong impression
Cos really I'm sad (so sad sad)
Oh I'm sadder than sad (so sad sad)
Well I'm hurt and I want you so bad (so sad sad)
Like a clown I appear to be glad

There's some sad things known to man
But ain't too much sadder than
The tears of a clown
When there's no one around

Now if I appear to be carefree
It's only to camouflage my sadness
And honey to shield my pride I try
To cover this hurt with a show of gladness

So don't let my show convince you
That I've been happy since you decided to go
Oh I need you so
Look I'm hurt and I want you to know
Just for others I put on a show

There's some sad things known to man
But ain't too much sadder than
The tears of a clown

Just like Pagliacci did
I'm gonna keep my surface hid
Hiding in my room I try
But in this lonely room I cry

The tears of a clown
When there's no one around

Don't let my glad expression
Give you the wrong impression

Don't let this smile I wear
Make you feel that I don't care

The tears of a clown

(Copyright Smokey Robinson and the Miracles)