I hate computers!!!

Well after my idea of sorting out the network yesterday, while D was at the railway.. guess what? I didnt do it..lol. Afraid I got kind of tied up watching a couple of films on t.v. and was comfy all curled up with Ollie on the sofa. Heck it was almost freezing outside so I had an excuse..I didnt want to move..lol

Anyway I thought I would do it today - stupid idea!! Bloody equipment that I brought for my lappy and D's computer are wrong.. well D's equipment is okay but the lappy one is definately not the right one..grrr!!! So it was a mad dash to PC World for me this afternoon, with 2hours to spare before they shut at 4pm. Still no probs there, and they even gave me change for the exchange..lol.

Then popped into Pets@Home to get Ollie's name tag for his collar engraved - he's got a lovely purple heart with silver engraving, to match his purple velvetty collar. Sweet!!!

I also nipped into the Asda opposite PCWorld, and got some christmas bits and pieces, some pickles, onions, branston, picallili, and gherkins, and two 1kg tins of Celebrations chocolates.

Anyway got home and started to sort out the computers. Got D's sorted out fine, he has the internet no problem, just I managed to complete f*** the configuration settings up on the router..so it doesnt read my adapter for the lappy. AAAAAH!!! So I am back to the cable trailing downstairs and across the back of the sofa again, and the modem plugged direct into my lappy. Thank gods the lappy is broadband enabled thats all I can say.

So its going to be a phone call to Belkin, and asking them very meekly for their help to sort out the router.

So my Saturday and Sunday were very uneventful..lol. I got nothing done that I wanted done, so shall be sorting all that out in the week. Got to go to the hospital in the week too, for more blooming blood tests..ack!!! MORE!!! I will be looking like a bloody pin cushion by the time they have finished. They better sort my medication dosage out correctly soon..I dont like these needles..no more I say.!!!

Anyway thats my lot, no stitching done I am afraid, so thats something I have to rectify in the week too I suppose.

Off I toddle to bed I think. xx

Quick post for dh

Meant to let you know what a "natter" was, didnt mean to confuse you with stupid british slang..lol. Anyway a natter is basically a chat. So I suppose you could say that I went for a cuppa (cup of tea/coffee) and a chat (natter) with my friend the other week.

There, hope that makes sense..was going to send an email but couldnt open my email account, stupid thing went and had a hissy fit (went wrong!) on me.

All alone and feeling sorry for myself..

Actually I'm not all alone really, I have the furbabies here with me..and one of them (Smudge) is curled up with me as I write this.. I think it is something to do with me still having my dressing gown on..lol

D has gone down the railway to play with the steam trains all day, and I am just sitting here trying to get myself going. It didnt help I didnt even hear him go shopping early this morning, and I was just waking up as he was getting ready to go out to the railway at 10ish..ooops!! Bad natty :-(

My sinus headache has finally gone, after two weeks - but the sinuses havent sorted themselves out yet. Now the pain is in my left hand side of my face, and my jaw is playing up, as well as the pain across the bridge of my nose..aaaaaah!! I think its time to get some professional advice..lol.

Have to sort out the networking while D is out today, he wants to use his computer tomorrow and wont appreciate it if I havent got his comp and my lappy hooked up, seeing as I did drag him out last Sunday before going to the inlaws, to buy the networking bits we needed. And ever since it has been sitting upstairs in the boxes, and I have the main cable lead and modem down here with me in the living room, with cable sort of trailing around the house. Nope wont be too happy with that..lol

Well I suppose I had better get a shift on, I only really have till 4ish till D comes back home and peace is shattered..lol

A little HNT from me..

Here's my contribution, not my best shot I am afraid..

Yes its my..please see edited bit below..lol. I had to think then..

To join in... go to H.N.T.


*edited to add - doh I am dope, its not my shoulder..lol. Its the side of my body.. now why did I think it was my shoulder..stupid bint that I am..lol. Sorry to mislead you all H.N.T.er's*

Someone shoot the mental health team..

Please!!!!!!

Had my lovely therapy session at 2pm this afternoon, and it was hell. I wish I could have stayed at home, and buried myself under my duvet. I was in tears literally from the time I sat down to the time I left 50 mins later.. and I feel like absolute shite now at 4.45pm.

We dug up a lot of past hurts mainly to do with mum and J. More J though as he has been on my mind a heck of a lot lately. I just cant seem to get him out of my head at the moment..grrr. So as you can imagine it was very painful. Still at least I have 2 weeks grace till I see W again for another gruelling session. But bless her, she hasnt given me any goals this time, and has said if I want to wallow in self pity at the moment then I can, cos she can see how really down I am feeling.

I was going to do a post about my feelings and how I still am missing someone so deeply, who broke my heart literally in two, but after therapy I really am not up to it now. Maybe later on..

Roll on January when normal service will be resumed!!

This sums me up at the moment..

This was taken from a wonderful persons blog, who I have been reading and have utmost respect for her.."Minx"
Tears of a clown...

Now if there's a smile on my face
It's only there tryin' to fool the public
But when it comes down to foolin' you
Now honey that's quite a different subject

So don't let my glad expression
Give you the wrong impression
Cos really I'm sad (so sad sad)
Oh I'm sadder than sad (so sad sad)
Well I'm hurt and I want you so bad (so sad sad)
Like a clown I appear to be glad

There's some sad things known to man
But ain't too much sadder than
The tears of a clown
When there's no one around

Now if I appear to be carefree
It's only to camouflage my sadness
And honey to shield my pride I try
To cover this hurt with a show of gladness

So don't let my show convince you
That I've been happy since you decided to go
Oh I need you so
Look I'm hurt and I want you to know
Just for others I put on a show

There's some sad things known to man
But ain't too much sadder than
The tears of a clown

Just like Pagliacci did
I'm gonna keep my surface hid
Hiding in my room I try
But in this lonely room I cry

The tears of a clown
When there's no one around

Don't let my glad expression
Give you the wrong impression

Don't let this smile I wear
Make you feel that I don't care

The tears of a clown

(Copyright Smokey Robinson and the Miracles)

How to confuse a girl..

Ack extreme tracking have changed their format. I just logged onto see my stats, and found out you can also see which country your viewer is from, as well as what operating system and browser they are using. It certainly confused me..lol. But then it doesnt take a lot to confuse me at the moment, my brain is definately not with it these days - I cant even blame being blonde as I'm not blonde..lol.

Wow - pat on the back to UPS America

D's christmas pressie arrived this morning, via UPS all the way from Discovery Store US after only being despatched on the 19th November, and it turned up this morning with a huge UPS delivery lorry, bearing in mind this is from the US to the UK :-)

And here it is:
I can't wait to see his face when he opens it on Christmas morning..lol. All he said to me was that he wanted a clock for his computer/hobby room. I couldnt resist this as I know he has been twittering on about getting it just hasnt got it yet..lol

I've also managed to get out of him what mobile phone he would like, so I shall be buying him that too for Christmas.. :-)

He can wait for his leather jacket till his birthday at the end of January this year :-)

Aaaaaaaah viruses

What is it with people..so far my ISP has managed to stop 14 email viruses coming through my email account today. What is it target Nat day..lol.

All I can say is thank gods I have a good ISP that scans emails before delivering them.

*Update on weekend later today :-)*

HNT - A bit late but here finally..

Not a lot to say about my HNT really..its a foot..lol.





If you want to join in go to:

A pondering thought about souls..

I have been giving this a lot of thought recently, well mainly since we have had Ollie my 5 year old cat.

Barney was a special cat, some would call a familiar, the way she behaved around me. She was always there with me when I was distressed, knew when I was coming home from somewhere etc.. she was in tune with my moods, in tune with absolutely everything about me. She had her funny little quirks, some were annoying and some were endearing.. But what I did know is that Barney would never leave me in life or even in death. She was truly a special cat and I was honoured to be her owner. But what I have noticed is that Ollie is doing absolutely everything that Barney used to do, sleep in her favourite places, sit in all her places.. know when I am upset, everything..as in he is in tune with me. And this is only after 6 weeks of owning him.

What I have been thinking is, is it possible for a soul of a cat that died to go into a cat that has been living for a while. As in the living cat almost takes on the dead cats soul I suppose, but still have their own quirks etc.. Now bearing in mind Ollie is 5, and Barney was 18y when she died - this just doesnt seem possible but it seems to be. Barney was still living when Ollie was born, so it cant be possible can it?

It is really weird, when Ollie is near me it is like Barney is there too. Ollie curls up with me at night while I am on the laptop in exactly the same places that Barney did, he even sleeps outside the airing cupboard door in exactly the same position that Barney used to be in.. it is so eerie.

When Ollie looks at me, it is almost as though he is looking deep into my soul with his eyes, as though he knows what I am thinking, as though he has known me before.

How can this be, when we have only had him for 6 weeks..

Am absolutely shattered..

Have been up since 6.45am this morning and am now shattered, plus I had a bad night anyway.. :-(

For some reason while watching the new version of Macbeth on t.v. last night I started getting all dizzy. Couldnt really explain it. Anyway just sat there hoping it would pass, but it got worse. If I stood up I fell down, and I felt really light headed. It was hard to explain, almost like being drunk but without the drink. Gods it felt weird.

When I went to bed, that was the worse feeling - everytime I layed down the room swam and I felt like I was falling. I ended up propping myself up on about 4 pillows just to stop myself from feeling giddy.

D and I thought that maybe it was my sugar levels taking one hell of a dive, so before I went to bed I ate a bar of chocolate, a banana and honey sandwich - just to send the sugar levels high.

After sleeping, the sleeping tablet knocked me out in the end..lol., I woke up at 6ish, saw D off to work and then cos I was wide awake got showered, dressed and did some bits around the house. I had all the housework done before 10am..that was good going for me.

Then when I sat down for a cuppa, wallop - the giddiness and wooziness came back with a vengenance, just this time I was feeling sick with it now. And it was like being drunk, but I hadnt had a drink - unless you count a cup of tea drink..lol. And thats how I have been on and off all day, normally when I sit down.

Don't ask me how but I have managed to stitch a piece on one of the RR's that I have, luckily it was a quick little letter - still have another letter to stitch then I can send it off.

Just got back from the Dr's after seeing the nurse, and have to increase my asthma medication from a blue inhaler to brown inhaler..ahhhhh!!! Its not fair as I dont get it all year, its what they call seasonal asthma - it is only bad when winter appears.. So I have to go for an asthma checkup, just to see what my peak flow is etc....

It also appears that I have vertigo, which is what the giddiness and wooziness is. And there isnt anything they can do, as its an ear infection or something to do with the ear, and you have to wait till it goes. Oh this is fun!!!!!!!

I rung D and asked him to shoot me..lol . You know if I was a horse I would have been shot ages ago.

The Haunted One

You are the haunted beauty whose life is marred by
sadness. You are dreamy, delicate, gentle and
melancholy. As tragically beautiful as any
Shakespearean heroine, you possess a doe-eyed
fragility that is strangely enchanting.

What's so scary about you: There is something
rather unsettling about your fragile beauty.
You are like a dream that no one can grasp.

Your gemstone: Moonstone
Your Moon: Ice Moon (January)


Which Beautiful Vampiress are You? (For Girls! - Gothic Anime Pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla

Just a little something...

The Traditional Princess

You are generous, graceful, and practical with both
feet planted firmly on the ground. You tend to
be a little on the old-fashioned side. You
value home, hearth, and family life and love to
be of service to others.

Role Models: Snow White, Maid Marian

You are most likely to: Discover a hidden talent
for spinning straw into gold.


What Kind of Princess are You? - Beautiful Artwork (Original Music is BACK!!!)
brought to you by Quizilla



You are a Lily:

You are graceful, gentle, calm, and pure and
perhaps a little shy (though your shyness is
part of your charm). You are a very honorable
person who always wants to do the right thing.
Your calm attitude has a soothing effect on
others.

Symbolism: The lily has long been used as a symbol
of majesty, honor, chastity, and purity of
heart.


Which Flower are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Aaaah...stitching...aaaaaaaaaah!!

Someone shoot me please... I have been rapidly stitching the replacement halloween piece for someone on one of my boards, where delightful Royal Mail has lost the original piece.. well anyway I have been stitching away on it like a bloody mad thing all weekend and best part of Friday, and it is driving me absolutely bonkers. To the point where I have shelved it and am now going to tackle another piece that shouldnt take so long...

It beat me I am afraid..I just couldnt stitch with black floss for hours at a time.. someone tell me why I had decided to do it..lol. Anyway I am going to put it in my bag of stitching and will stitch it for myself, or possibly for next years halloween exchange - but at least I wont hate the damn thing by the time I have finished it at my own leisure..

So I have just printed off this gorgeous piece to stitch which I will sit and stitch today, since my ironing has all been done for the weekend and the housework is up to date..so I can curl up in a freezing cold living room, I havent given in to putting the heating on yet, but will have to I think..*

Now I am off to soak in a HOT bath, with some gorgeous smellies, and find something warm to wear :-) Then find something on t.v. (that isnt a Rememberance Sunday service) and curl up with my new piece of stitching.

I've been made a Sim..wohooo!!!

Yippeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!! Sorry am over the moon, Robin from Adventures in Cyberia has created a sim for me.. :) I am now a fully fledged member of the Fleiss crew :) I am the one in the black skirt and reddish hair :)

Once blogger decides it is going to let me upload photo's via its own upload tool I will be able to put a photo up..stupid thing is having a hissy fit..lol.

I GIVE UP"!!

I am taking time away from everything, I have had enough at the moment. Cant go into detail but suffice to say my name is mud now because of bloody Royal Mail.

So until I feel strong enough to cope with the way some people now think of me I am going to take some time out of everything..I have got a fair bit going on with my therapy and psychiatrist that I need to deal with anyway, plus am increasing my medications..

I will be back but just not as often as I am now.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAhhhhhhhhhhhh Royal Mail..

Yes that is me screaming - bloody Royal Mail have done their sodding usul trick..aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!

I checked with D that he had definately sent my halloween exchange to Flipp last week, and he said it went on Saturday morning while he was shopping. Hmmmmm this didnt sound right..how can he have sent it while shopping as the post office is nowhere near the supermarket.. So after further investigation I got out of him that he had put it in the post box at the supermarket so that it caught the midday collection...aaaaaaaaaah!! At this point I felt like clouting him one, I had specifically told him to go to the post office and send RD.. I asked him why he hadnt sent it RD, and his response was "well it had a stamp on it so I thought it was to go normal mail"...aaaaaaaaah!!

I am going to kill him soon..so what with Royal Mail and D doing not what I asked..my exchange piece hasn't arrived at its destination.. Now I feel bloody awful as Flipp hasnt received anything..grrrr!!

So tomorrow I am going to frantically stitch another piece for her and get it sent RD without D's help this time..

I hate RM, not only have they lost this piece they have lost a card that I sent to Gertrude in Malta for her birthday a few days ago..this card was actually sent a week and a half before the birthday....

So if anyone reads in the paper that a Kent woman has spontaneously combusted in a hissy fit after killing husband and doing horrible things to Royal Mail, then its only me..

I give up........aaaaaaaaaaaah!!

Not a lot to put - bully cat and throat

Haven't got a lot to put, but I do know that Ollie, our newish cat, is starting to assert himself. He has discovered he can bully my dog Scruffybear..lol. If Bear is wanting to get past Ollie, then Ollie wont let him.. he sits there all proud and just stares at Bear. I found a typical example of this just now - I could hear Bear but I couldnt see him..so I looked around and there he was perched on the last stair of our stairway and who was sitting at the bottom..yep Ollie. He was just sitting there all puffed up and looking quite scary to the dog..lol. Ooops mustn't laugh but it was so funny to see this 3stone of a dog scared to go past this 1stone of a cat..

Anyway I called Bear and told him to just go past Ollie, so he did, and Ollie didnt do a thing...lol.

Then to add insult to injury Smudge, my oldest cat, just went to sleep on Bears doggy bed. Poor Bear he is getting a rough deal at the moment..lol. I just wish he wasn't such a wimp with the cats.. outdoors he is all big and brave and can stand up for himself but as soon as he goes through the front door its like another dog..

I'm not feeling too good either today, have had signs of my neck glands starting to swell the past couple of days, and this morning I woke up with one side of my neck looking like a football..and my glands on that side are killing me. I dont really feel ill, just tired and achey, not sure if its a countereffect of the sinusitis I have just got over.

Well driving should be interesting later when I go for my appointment, I cant turn my neck to the left without yelping..lol.

Oh and a bit of good news, I am a happy bunny as I have now got Bon Jovi's new album, Il Divo's new one and I am trying out Evanescence's Fallen album. Also have got Ozzy Osbourne's new one "Under Covers" and Deep Purple's "Rapture of The Deep" for D.

*Breaking news = David Seaman (Arsenal Goalkeeper) has just had his famous ponytail chopped off live on "This Morning" on ITV at 11.20am today.."

The most weirdest dream..

I had a really odd dream last night, and it is soooooo vivid this morning I cannot believe it.

This dream was with my beloved Barney - my gorgeous cat that died back in August. It was almost like Barney was alive and well again. She looked so healthy and her coat was so glossy..but she was a ghost. She never ate, or drunk or used the litter tray the whole time she was with me in this dream. When she had to go she would go through a keyhole in the door, or a small crack in the window where it was open a wee bit.. it was really odd.

Yet you could hold her, touch her, cuddle her or snuggle into her fur - and she smelt so like Barney. She purred when you cuddled her, or she sat on your lap when you wanted to be quiet. It felt so real that I really thought she was alive still and with me.

When I woke up, I didnt feel distressed that she was gone, for some reason I felt a lovely calm over me, and knew that my Barney was with me at all times, always there to give me a cuddle.

I always said when we buried her, that she wasnt gone and that if anyone would come back to me in death, it would be my Barney. And she has made herself known finally..

Its really strange though, but since this dream last night - this morning I have been calm, and I know that things are going to be okay however difficult it may feel at the time.

Me-me Monday

Ok here goes, I am joining in with the me-me Monday, so here it is..

#23 - I adore the snow

I have always loved the snow, and the deeper the better. I dont like it when it goes all slushy from people having walked on it, or cars driving in it, but its the kind of snow that has just fallen and it is untouched. To me it is just like someone has sprinkled the pavement or garden with icing sugar.

I am not sure when this deep love with snow happened, as we certainly dont get enough snow here in the UK, and I know I didnt see a lot of snow as a child. Maybe its the idealistic pictures we see on the t.v or on postcards, but to me I would be in absolute heaven if I could live somewhere that had plenty of snow.

But, and yes there is a but, the weather has to be just right too. As in the sky has to just blue, just the right amount of clouds and certainly no sign of any more snow coming down.

Do you know maybe I should have been a polar bear..lol.

And there is my reasoning behind no 23 on my "100 things about me"

Woohoo its friday.. I think!!

Well today has been a bit up in the air. What with having to go to the Dr's for my flu jab :( Yep I actually got asked to go along to have a flu jab cos I am diabetic and have asthma, and here's me been avoiding the jab for the past god knows how many years..lol. Now whats the betting I get blooming flu this year...lol.

Anyway then I had to pick D's prescription up , why do the flipping local chemistsd around us have to be shut on a Saturday now - if its not enough our Dr's is shut on a Saturday now the chemists are following suit..lol. Anyway we now have his antihistamines for the next two months..:-)

I also finally went up to the local hospital near me to have my blood taken - yep its only taken me 6 months to get the blood taken. I honestly dont have a fear of needles..honest!!! So now I am going to have a lovely bruised arm..grr!!!

Had good post arrive this morning, the new and uptodate interface card arrived for my computer was delivered from Amazon. This is brilliant service as I only ordered it Wednesday night at 10pm..lol. Also the photos that I had developed from Asda.co.uk arrived as well this morning - they were also ordered at 10pm Wednesday night :-) Brilliant service from both companies.. But I shall definately be using Asda to develop my pictures again, all you have to do is download your photos from your digital camera to your computer, then upload to a folder on the Asda website and then they develop them from that folder - aaah the joys of modern technology.

Must admit I was absolutely shattered today as we had D's carers assessment last night. A lovely man called Peter came to the house and was absolutely brilliant. He has put Ds name through to a couple of support workers in the area and they will be getting in touch with him..plus he was actually encouraged to go out to a couple of meetings and outings they go on.. that I have to see..he doesnt go out anywhere on his own..lol. Anyway the good news is that we are finally going to get the support for D, so he isnt going through coping with me on his own..not that I am that bad its just at least he now knows he can interact with other people that are caring for someone who is going through what I am.

Also had another bit of good news when D came home last night - he has got another job. Woohoo!! Well its still in the bank but its in the new glass tower at Canary Wharf. He's on the 23rd floor, there's something like 60 floors..lol. Scary! The weird bit is he didnt even have an interview - he was at the right place at the right time..plus he was talking to an old mate and he introduced him to one of the directors who was pretty impressed with D. The upshot of it is that this director called D's boss yesterday afternoon to ask for him to be released, as they were going to offer him the job. D is absolutely over the moon, more money, less working hours and travelling hours - so he's happy. I'm not cos it means he will be at home a bit more often..aaaack!! Oh well we can work around that I imagine..lol.

So thats it really I think.. I am still stitching, and I am hoping to stitch a couple of Christmas ornaments this weekend :-)

Therapy..

Well therapy went really well this morning, although I was absoultely shattered after having to get up at 7am and taking a sleeping tablet last night.

Hadnt seen Wendy (my therapist) for three weeks as she was away backpacking in Naples, and boy did it show..I was all a rambling away, just talking about nothing. Bless her, she sat and listened to me, then when I finished she asked the normal questions..lol.

I have made her a promise, which I must keep - and that is to walk Bear, my dog, Monday , Wednesday and Friday till I see her next, and this has to start tomorrow..ack!!!

We also decided that I was becoming a bit of a recluse so we are going to try and make improvements on this. Hey I go out, even if its to Asda and occasionally I will pop into town - WOW!!! I do pop to Herne Bay to see my mate Barbara now and again.. so its not really reclusive as such..lol

Oooh I made a new blogging friend yesterday or should that be this morning by the time I read the email..lol. Hello dh :) Hopefully this will be the start of a good friendship, time will tell :)

Well thats all for now, nothing else to tell..lol. *dont I lead an exciting life..NOT!!*

I am succumbing..lol

Ok after seeing so many HNT's I have decided to be a follower too.. so here's my HNT:

Wooohooo...finally got the new modem..plus..........

I am running at a total of 10mb :-)

Good old telewest have upgraded us from 4mb to 10mb, and the difference in speed is absoutely mind blowing. I cant believe how quick everything is loading up. Its almost like the page loads before you blink..lol.

Although I must admit I really didnt think we were going to get this new modem. The technician was booked to come between 8-12pm today, so I got up at 6.30am. Now this is a miracle in itself as I am not a morning person, in fact I dont normally get up before 9am. Well I must admit after getting myself showered and dressed and ready for 8am, I did over 3 hours of ironing..blimey I never realised I had that much ironing. In fact I actually have another 3 hours worth left to iron if I am realistic. :-( But at least I am making headway :-)

Anyway it got to 12pm and no sign of engineer, so I rang Telewest to see where the nice man had gone. Only to find out that it hadnt been booked..AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH I had booked it back on 26th October..grrr Anyway they booked an emergency appointment for between 4 and 7pm tonight, but the nice man turned up at 4pm deadon and the switchover of the old modem to the new modem was painless.

I am so happy...it is running like a dream :-)